miyuki

I keep checking back to the jrock chibis mosaics.deviantart.com/viewdp.… just to see if my stuff is up  yet, but nope. More people need to work on that.

I redecorated my room the other night, sort of. I put up the autographed Kabuki poster I bought a few months ago, as well as another Pierrot poster and the autographed SA poster. I should really frame my Fatima autographs and that auto'd Kirito magazine I have, but for now, they're both in plastic bags until I can do something with them.

It's odd for me to think that Nao left Fatima. I hope they'll be okay without him.

Tim emailed me back, and I sent him another one. Apparently he was excited to get my email, which I find highly amusing.

I got out of work early too. The drawback to this is that I barely worked four hours, and lost out on a little money because the store closed early. But the weather was so cold, rainy, horrible, etc. that no one was even in the store and it had been that way all day. We just barely cleared $80, which is really really bad.

I forgot to take in the roll of film I finished up too, which I sort of needed to get developed. Plus I have two other rolls of black and white that I need to get developed.

Those are non-c41 so they will be incredibly expensive. Blah.

I wish I had a darkroom. I wish developing film was cheap.

But that's going to be $40 down the tubes. I don't even know what's on the film. For that price, it better be something good.

For the last few days I've just been so hyper. I mean, bouncing off the walls hyper.

I found a disk with pictures I took in Japan. Like... the Pocari Sweat vending machine. Or stalking the Maiko (apprentice Geisha) through Gion/Kyoto. Or the perverted plates outside of a restaurant. [if anyone wants to see those I can post them, but they're just snapshots]

I got an email from Tim today, and wrote him a very long one back. Just because I felt like it, and I don't talk to him much so I guess I should make those emails count.

He's sending me a few issues of Kera. Mmm. Yummy.

Japanese was cancelled today, my teacher wasn't there. Which is odd. She's always there. But oh well, it means no class and just work.

But the weather's so rainy and disgusting. Uggh. I don't even want to leave home.

I just... want everything to be quiet.

No noise. No dog thumping against the bedroom door to be let in. No phone ringing. No people...

I've come to a conclusion tonight. Work is hell, but we all have to do it.

But Jessie makes things a lot better. Like when she walks down from the store where she works on a Friday night and yells "Hey babe, it's time to die!" [translation: Jessie wants a cigarette]

She's one of those people that just makes things seem better. Her personality is infectious, and she's one of the sweetest people on the face of the planet. Even if we are nothing alike. She's moving away soon. I can honestly say I'm going to miss her and will have to go see her if I go visit my aunt again, who lives about an hour away from where Jessie will.

It sucks when the really kick ass people who can pretty much make everything better move. Or are just... really far away...

[don't know what else to say]

Well... it seems like things are falling apart lately.

Current artwork reflects my mood. Dark, angry, full of things that allude to strong negative feelings + confusion.

I have to go to the doctor tomorrow, though I really don't want to. But... based on the way I've been feeling lately... I have no choice.

Relapse is an ugly, ugly word.

But I'm faced with it every day.

Having the flu for 2.5 weeks is not normal. I can't sleep really. I don't sleep much at all.

Plus moodiness makes things get very out of control sometimes.

But I don't give apologies.

What's done is done, time to face the consequences.

I spent 45 minutes cooking dinner. Then I stared at it for another 20 and put it down the garbage disposal. I just couldn't look at it anymore.

The smell was making me sick. It was just something simple. Mushroom fritatta, hash browns, sausage.

Things I can normally stomach. Maybe I'll try tea and toast later, once my stomach feels more settled...

Two people conveniently disappeared from online tonight, and I have a sneaking suspicion that there is much discussion about me going on.

Paranoid, as usual. But with good reason.

Stab me in the back a little more, please.